Hello, it’s me…

I grew up in the age of live journal, chat rooms, AIM & MySpace… so sharing my thoughts on a public platform like a blog seemed like second nature to me. As my photography blog has since been shutdown, and I only started writing on this blog back in 2015… I felt it fitting to re-introduce myself, because I have changed quite a bit in the past 10 years.

hi. Welcome to my neglected corner of the internet. I had all the best intentions to share life happenings, house projects, favorite recipes, Amazon essentials and more here. I quickly learned that I’m terrible with consistency and struggle with imposter syndrome, so I’m convinced that this space will just be a huge waste of time, seeing as people don’t spend much time on blogs anymore. It went from instagram, to Pinterest, to YouTube, to now TikTok… and I feel like my brain and attention span have left me in the process. I can now see why our parents give up learning the new technologies because Lordy does it change quickly!

The past week, I’ve wasted the better part of the day trying to figure out how to use TikTok and actually grow on that app. What content I need to be making and sharing, and how I need to be engaging with other creators. It truly makes me want to lie down and take a huge nap, and question if this is even something I want to try to figure out. But in the process, I realized that so much of who I am and what I love isn’t being showcased on any social platform (not that it needs to be), but I have always found so much comfort in encouraging others and making people feel at home or at the very least, that they are normal & seen. When we are truly ourselves, we can bring a unique perspective, instead of regurgitating what we think people want to hear, or acting the same way as popular influencers do, thinking that it will get us likes and views.

I’m just me. Insignificant to the world, but absolutely everything to three tiny humans, and a wonderful man who married me. I feel like this little life we live is pretty great, and I’m so grateful for every day I get to spend with them. And if it’s interesting to you, I’m always happy to share what’s working for us, and also what’s not. I’m a fairly open book when it comes to our life, but I will never pretend to be an expert at anything, because I feel like there’s always room for improvement or ways I can make it better. The only thing you must know, you will never change my views on Faith or politics. Not to say I’m not open for discussion, but I’m set on both. Thanks.

So, a little about me. Elevator edition? I’m a sorta crunchy Catholic SAHM of three. Happily Married to the man of my dreams. Sourdough making, Raw milk drinking, meat loving, occasional mural painting, homeschooling artist, who loves to share baked goods with neighbors, paint my home in fun bright colors, have loud dance parties with my kids and sing loudly in the car. If I’m not in the kitchen, you’ll find me at my desk drawing with my kids, or working out with Peloton. Cliche? Maybe. But I want to be able to enjoy adventures with kids and husband for years to come and not complain about my body hurting.

That’s me. In a very small nutshell. As I say in here, almost every year, I really hope to start sharing more. Using this blog more and maybe actually treating this more like a job than a hobby. (Maybe I would actually make a little money in the process too).

The End of One Season, Means the Start of a New

Five years ago, this sleep deprived family of five decided to start a new nightly summer routine of going for walks around our neighborhood. Having a fresh squishy newborn meant that the older two were feeling a little pent up in the house, while this mama figured out life with three babies. We would walk, let Jonathan ride his bike and Verona was quite content riding in the stroller. It wasn’t perfect, a little over a mile, but the fresh air always felt wonderful and the golden light never disappointed. We started mid July of that year, and continued until October; weather permitting.

This routine, would help keep us sane the next summer during the pandemic, and even into 2021. It felt as if we found a little slice of heaven right there in Midland. Slightly chaotic, yet peaceful, uninterrupted family time. “Family Selfies” became the norm, they learned that their photo loving mama was going to want to stop and take a “Quick family selfie” if the light was just right. I couldn’t have loved it more. Then we moved.

October 2021: The walk was nice, but I quickly realized, walking three cul de sacs tends to get pretty repetitive. With how our neighborhood is set up, if you want to venture out past that, it turns into a whole new kind of task, and a lot longer of a walk. Which isn’t as quiet and calm with three kids. So we scraped it. Just like that, my favorite post dinner routine was over and traded in for new activities. Mini sticks hockey in the basement, family mario kart races, exploring book series as a family before bedtime. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t like we were lacking in ideas to do with the kids, I just enjoyed the fresh air. That season of walks with little kids in strollers was gone so fast, I didn’t have a second to realize what had ended. In the blur of moving, unpacking and getting situated in our new home and new life in Ohio, I felt like a whole precious season had been stolen from me. I didn’t know how to process it. So I did what I usually do, I pushed that out of my mind and moved on with life, because being a SAHM of three and homeschooling, with a husband who travels a lot for work, believe it or not, is a lot of work.

I threw myself into every house project I could think of, painted almost every room, made this house feel like our home, and tried to ignore the ache in my soul for our old nightly routine of quiet walks.

Spring 2024: After years of training wheels, and fears of falling, we finally mastered the two wheel bikes (x3). All three kids learned within a few weeks of each other how to ride a two wheel bike, and just like that our nightly walks were (kinda) back on the table. The only problem was that, Ryan and I couldn’t walk fast enough, so the kids were getting annoyed with us for asking them to slow down. Until one night. LIGHTBULB MOMENT: Ryan pulled our bikes down from the garage ceiling, filled the tires and it was like suddenly a whole new neighborhood was opened up to us.

We were riding 4-6 miles a night, exploring the local high school, and off-road bike trails, etc. One night, as the sun was starting to go down behind the trees and the light was flickering through the trees, I felt my breath catch in my chest. I felt it. That ache in my soul that had been missing our old nightly routine, and I realized we found it. It wasn’t the same as before, but it was new and improved for this new season of life. Full. Family. Bike. Rides. My heart was exploding with excitement.

We can mourn the loss of old ways, and yet still rejoice in the new beginnings, God is kind of awesome that way. What’s the verse? Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

We faced new fears, we learned new skills, we skinned some knees and bruised some egos (mostly mine), but was able to find something new to cherish that got us outside and burning off energy.

Coming Up for Air...

I have missed this space. Like truly, deeply missed sharing my life in this capacity. My last post was March of 2021, and well to say “A LOT has changed since then”, would be quite the understatement. In a nutshell? In August (2021), Ryan took a new job in Ohio, we moved, bought a new house, started homeschooling, and I’ve jumped head first into making this new house our home.

It’s been a rough year, dealing with feelings of losing myself, overwhelm, anxiety and some seasonal depression as I’ve navigated these days of mom-seclusion at home, with no babysitter or family around to help lighten the burden, but that’s life isn’t it? Everyone has their crosses to bear, or has difficult points in their days, weeks, months. But through all that, Ryan and I have been working with a counselor for both our marriage and individual personal things, I’ve been digging deeper into my faith as a Catholic, and slowly but surely, I feel like I’m finally coming up for air.

SO much has changed in our home since this photo was taken. Lots of painting, wallpapering, and overall feeling like this space has turned into the creative environment we needed. I still miss my kitchen in Midland, EVERY DAY… Mostly missing those white quartz countertops, but I’m slowly convincing Ryan that we would benefit from new countertops. But its all been a journey. I tell myself daily that Instagram isn’t real life, that it is completely unrealistic to buy, renovate and have everything painted and in perfect order when you move into a new home. Having that expectation is only going to usher in feelings of frustration and discontent.

As I sit here at the counter, in my 90’s oak kitchen, with brown countertops, I can’t help but look around and smile at all the work I’ve done thus far. So much life & personality has been breathed into this home, and I can see the fruits of my labor. But the before & afters are for another day. In the meantime, we are enjoying our new normal, missing Michigan like crazy, but enjoying all that Ohio has to offer. We’ve made a couple friends, Ryan is thriving in his new position at work, we have hit our stride with homeschooling and the kids truly enjoy all this time together.

Now if I can just get better at carving out some time once a week to get back to updating this site. Even if no one reads this, I want to be able to look back at this journey together, with my favorite people in the whole wide world.

—The Van Wert Fam.

New Habits, New Routines...

So, I read a whole book, actually two whole books since January 1st. But I read a whole book in 8 days. I know for a lot of people this isn’t a big accomplishment, but I’ve learned to celebrate my wins, regardless of how big or small.

At the start of 2021, without much thought at all, I set a couple goals for myself in the new year. I already established a daily workout routine, and told myself I would get back to my “normal diet” of eating less or no Gluten & Dairy… so when I told myself, One book, per month, for a total of 12 books total, Ryan looked at me like I had grown a second head. No booklist, no one to hold me accountable and no plan on how I was going to accomplish this, just a dream.

Little back story on me… I hate reading. Yup. Not a fan. I could probably count on two hands the number of books that I’ve sat down and read in their entirety. {Most of which being the Harry Potter series.} I have a half-read graveyard in my office of all the books I started but didn’t have the attention span to actually finish.

I started trying to read a chapter here and there, but it wasn’t a consistent habit, so I would lost interest. But in my daily consumption of podcasts, I listened to one about how to train yourself to be a “morning person”. Spoiler, there is not magic solution, JUST TO DO IT. Get up. Set an alarm and force yourself out of bed. Find something to look forward to, and do it. Around Christmas time, I bought an echo dot alarm clock, with a hope to be better at waking up, so now I just tell Alexa to wake me up to Norah Jones Radio, which is surprisingly a very pleasant way to wake up. That first morning was surprisingly easy… I didn’t focus on all the quality cozy time I was missing out on, or focusing on how comfortable my bed is, instead I looked forward to 30-45 min of childfree quiet time that I could enjoy, while I sip my coffee and start my day off in peace. This past year I’ve learned that I’m a fairly weird person… I mean, I’ve ALWAYS known I was weird, but in terms of motivation, I’m weird. When it comes to creating habits, I either need to do them EVERY DAY, or not at all, because if I don’t do it every day, I get lazy and tell myself it’s okay to “take a day off”. And just like that my routine is shot.

I listened to the podcast on February 12th, that night I set my alarm, and within two weeks I had finished the book I started in January & then I read an entire book in 8 days. EIGHT. DAYS. Couldn’t tell you the last time I did that, actually, I couldn’t tell you if I’ve EVERY done that, but now, being a mom of three, this is not something I made time for in the past. Now I’m mapping out my next book for the month of March, because this weird sense of accomplishment is slightly addicting.

“The instruction manual for deep change is the same every single day. Show up. Show up. Show up. ”

— Hannah Brencher -Fighting Forward

It can be hard to look at yourself and figure out what habits are good and which habits you should drop, or :gasp: where you can add new healthy habits. I don’t know how to get you in that mental headspace, because everyone is different. You have to want it for yourself & you have to find something to look forward to. For me, the quiet time was a HUGE motivator, and a hot cup of coffee, the nuggets of wisdom from the books is just bonus!

Books I’ve read so far: The Joy of Missing Out by Tonya Dalton
Fighting Forward by Hannah Brencher