What is it Like to be Normal?

Sometimes I wonder what it is like to be a NORMAL person. By normal, I mean someone who doesn't try to do it all and knows that realistically there are people who specialize in certain fields for a reason and they are more equipped to complete a task better than they are. I know that I'm not educated in the medical field, so I don't try to pretend that I'm a doctor, nurse, dentist, chiropractor, etc, so I will seek the help of medical professionals when it comes to my health & well being. But I do have a Bachelors of Art & Graphic Design, so in terms of all things Artsy & CREATIVE, I say, "Oh I could do that." And then forget or procrastinate when it comes to doing that thing. Are you wondering what I'm talking about? Let me explain. 

I'm a professional photographer & graphic designer, so for example, when I have a baby, I find the need to take my own newborn photos and never edit them, forget to schedule a session for family pictures so I can have photos of us all together, say I will design & order birth announcements but really just take forever, and then kick myself months later for not just hiring or outsourcing someone to do all of this for me. 

I have to still sort through the photos from Verona's birth, Verona's newborn session, her one month & two month sessions, and order & send out birth announcements. In the meantime, I see on social media NORMAL people who have had babies after me have already done all these things. It's hard to have a brain that constantly is telling me that it would be completely normal to add one more thing to my plate. As if Mom, wife, photographer, designer, handletterer, illustrator & now blogger are not enough. 

Being an entrepreneur can be exciting, but some days, the thought of having a normal 9-5 or being a barista at Starbucks sounds like a dream. By no means am I trying to say that those jobs are easy, just probably less tiring than my 24/7 job of being a creative entrepreneur. I promise you, my brain never turns off. Maybe it all stems from my inability to relinquish control over things I know I can do myself. In which case, I don't have enough time to talk about those issues, and they might be best suited for a professional with a comfy couch, rather than me trying to figure out how to cure my control freak mentality. 

Maybe one day I'll order birth announcements, edit my personal photos and possibly design & order albums for myself! But for right now, I'm just going to keep trying to keep my head above water with all this motherhood stuff, and hope I take enough pictures to last me a lifetime! 

Here Goes Nothing...

A few years back, I had this crazy urge to start a lifestyle blog. I thought, we are kind of interesting, right? But at that time, we were photographing 20+ weddings a year, I was trying to do it all with wedding invitations, teaching myself calligraphy, photography and trying to break into the world of illustrating kids books. I was overloaded and could barely find the time to breathe, let alone start ANOTHER venture with a lifestyle blog! 

After a few car ride conversations with Ryan this summer, I (we) have decided that we should give it a go! I've never been afraid to share my life and my story with anyone who is willing to listen. Take my LiveJournal for example, this might be foreign to some of you, but back when I was in high school, it was hip for kids to share their deep dark tortured thoughts on their LiveJournal, listen to Taking Back Sunday, and lean ironically up against brick walls just because. I was THAT kid, the moody tortured artist. I wore berets, turtlenecks, followed indie bands and listened to music that most kids weren't listening to. When I look back on the pages of that LiveJournal, I can't help but laugh, and thank God (and my english teacher) that I finally learned the difference between Your & you're and how to use proper punctuation. 

And now, 13 years later, I'm back at it, with this same desire to share my thoughts on the internet and hope that someone, anyone might find it interesting, helpful or therapeutic. Heck, I doubt my own mother will actually read this, but if one post makes one person feel a little less alone in this perfectly curated world of Pinterest moms and flawless families, then I'd chalk it up as a success. 

“We believe in laughing loudly, loving fiercely, Sunday couch cuddles, bold & bright colors, silly face selfies and everything in between.”

Life is funny, I would say, anytime I have a preconceived notion on a way something should go (Birthdays, holidays, special occasions, motherhood), it usually goes the complete opposite. I wanted to make this mom thing look easy, effortless. I wanted to "do it all"... grocery shopping, keep the house clean, laundry done, kids alive and also run a successful business. Turns out all that is good in theory, and probably possible for someone else, someone more organized but not for me. Which is why last year we made the decision to close our wedding photography business and only take on a few photo sessions each year, being sure not to overload our schedules. And also why I decided to start selling Young Living products, because it's a wonderful business I can do from my home with my babies in tow. I knew I wanted a few small side projects to keep me slightly busy, because as if being a mom to two little kids isn't busy enough! 

Our family is far from perfect, and we have come to realize that our views are slightly less common, but we try hard to be a modern day Pollyanna and choose to find the good in all of life's twists and turns. We would much rather enjoy home-scooped ice cream cones with our kids, as we take a late night stroll around our quiet neighborhood than do anything else. Which is why we wanted to start this blog. We wanted to share our quiet, simple life with anyone that would read to give them permission to also live a simplified life & enjoy the small world around them! So, will you follow along? We'd love to have you! 

An Answered Prayer

My last blog post was my plea with the Lord, asking Him to MOVE. Having Him help me to understand His timing, and to be patient in the journey. After what feels like a lifetime of trying, but really only 19 months, we have received an answer to our prayers. For the past month, we've known about this little miracle growing and taking shape, and we've been BURSTING at the seams with joy and excitement to let the world know!! ​

As I type this, I am currently 9.5 weeks, with baby due in July 2017. We've had our first ultrasound and heard our sweet little ones heart beating. I know we are not technically in the "safe zone" and others may find it odd that we are sharing so soon, but after much thought and prayer, we've decided that we will honor this little life early on. We know that many of you have followed our story and our struggle and have been praying for us through this difficult time, so we would just ask that you continue to pray for us and this precious babey. Pray that the Lord is knitting him or her together perfectly in His image and that through our story, others will be able to see the goodness of our Savior and how He provides for us in His time. 

As Catholic's we believe that life starts at conception, and even if the Lord decides He needs to take this child from us too earl, we still want to recognize his or her existence, and Give God the Glory! He is a Lord of Rescue and Redemption, He makes all things NEW in His Time. 

We want to sincerely thank all of you who have sent emails or messages of love and encouragement, words of advice, or prayers. Your love and support has meant so much to us and we are so excited about this next chapter! Thank you!  

What I Really Need

Oh, you know what I really need? Warmth. Sunlight. Family time. Possibly even a strong tequila-beverage. I just feel so beat down. This winter seemed so long and harsh even though it was actually a very mild winter here in Michigan. 

I need flowers. I need house projects. I need walks outside with my son. And mostly I just need grace. I make myself feel like I need to be everything to everyone. I have to be at my best all the time. I need to Be healthy and active with adorable clothes and a perfect life with all the answers. But when I'm 100% honest, I'd tell you I'm drowning. 

My day is primarily comprised of motherhood, with days of cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry and meal planning thrown in for good measure. A few sprinkles of husband time & Add in a few dashes of emails, handlettering, miscellaneous projects and social media, and you have my life. There is not time for extras. No social gatherings. No book club. Not many friends outside of my immediate family members. I may SEEM social, but I promise you, I'm not. 

I don't say this to seek sympathy or get an invite to your next party, I say this so that maybe others who are feeling the same way don't feel lonely. I work so hard to simply stay afloat on the daily. Today as I texted my husband who is off to work, "I really miss you" tears streamed down my face because I really really do miss him. And I see him daily. He's not off in the military or on a work trip. He's here. With me. Everyday. But I miss him so much that it hurts. We're busy. And I HATE THAT WORD. Busy. I cringe every time I read it in peoples messages to me, because I sometimes I wish I wasn't. 

A few years ago I listened to an online webinar about being present & choosing what matters. It was about taking 5-10 minutes out of your day to simply lay in the grass, or go and share an ice cream cone with your child. At the time I didn't have kids, I was living in an apartment a few hours away from family and spent a lot of my days alone working like crazy from my home office. I felt overwhelmed. You know what is sad? I never corrected anything. I didn't set any new habits in place to be better, to be more intentional with my time, or to make time for what is truly important and what matters.

Soon after that webinar, we decided to move back home, live with my in-laws while we looked for a home to buy. Life became infinitely harder. A few months later we moved into our new house, and were thrust head first into a busy wedding season, followed by a few home projects, followed by finding out I was pregnant, prepping for a child, followed by having a baby, Ryan going back to school for his Masters, then life as new parents, etc. Ups and downs all along the way, but to say I've stopped to lay in the grass, I can honestly say that has only happened once since then. The only reason I know that is because I actually have a photo to prove it. 

Look at how little Jonathan was! It makes me so sad to think that there are never moment of silence for me. Never time for me to be still, to shut out the outside world, to shut out the thoughts in my head about wanting and needing to capture the moment, to answer that e-mail or to be social on social media. There is no off switch. And I'm tired. I'm so angry with myself for having it take me this long to realize that something has to change. 

I'm hoping that by admitting this to the public, that maybe I can be held accountable. When was the last time that you laid in the grass or took time away from the demands of social media and the demands of your job to just BE. I need to do this more, and if I do, I'm sure there are others.