Finding My Focus: Why I do What I do...

“What do you do? And Why do you do it?” Two questions I’ve been sitting down with a lot lately. Outside of the obvious “I’m a mom, and I love my kids” it’s really getting me thinking on a bigger scale.

This year for Christmas, Ryan bought me a book that was on my amazon wish list, and instead of just buying one, he bought two so he could read it right along with me. In true Ryan fashion, he had to vet the author and make sure she was good and someone he would enjoy reading, and after realizing that a lot of her messages align with his current favorite author, Michael Hyatt, he was intrigued. For those curious, it’s The Joy of Missing Out by Tonya Dalton.

Let me preface this with saying, I’m not someone who enjoys reading. If I have a spare 10-15 minutes, I usually waste it scrolling instagram or amazon looking at random things I don’t need. I couldn’t even be motivated in high school or college knowing my grade depended on it. It’s just never something that I’ve given myself the mental space to do. So when Ryan told me he would do this with me and we could discuss the book together, I was excited for another thing for us to talk about. A little look into me and Ryan’s relationship, we talk a lot, we discuss certain topics, we are very much involved in each other’s lives. If you were to see us out on a date in a restaurant (you know, pre-covid), there are no phones at the table, and we are usually talking or laughing.

A couple nights ago, after finishing a chapter, I put down the book and started talking about the questions that the author posed. “What do I do? Why do I do it? What am I passionate about? What makes me great?” Ryan and I tossed around a couple ideas, and he told me things that he thought I was good at, and I brought up a few things I enjoyed. Outside of motherhood, one big constant for me in all my years, I’ve always loved connecting with people on very personal levels. Almost allergic to small talk, I don’t want to talk to you about the weather, but rather something that is on your mind. Something deeper than that. Something you aspire to do, something you’re struggling with. Or I want to talk to you about something deeper that’s on my mind, in order to connect with you and show you another layer of who I am.

If you’ve known me for any amount of time, and have had a real conversation with me, you know that I don’t fake the funk. People who know me in real life, and follow me on social media know that they get the same person no matter what. (I may curse a little bit more in real life, but that’s only if I know there aren’t children present.) But THIS is me. And one thing that I brought up to Ryan as an answer to what I’m passionate about, is that I don’t like knowing people feel alone. Whether it’s in life, in motherhood, in their health, in their struggles, in their joy, I want to be able to use what God has given me, who He made me to be, and bring those struggling a glimmer of peace and to feel seen.

Okay, so all that to say, how am I going to put this into action? Honestly, I’m going to keep showing up. I’m going to keep talking about my life, our struggles, our wins because that’s what I love. Maybe it’s here on the blog. Maybe it will be with people who send me direct messages. Or with friends I get to sit down and have coffee with. But my one prayer for 2021 is to continue this life of living with intention, not buying into the lies that THINGS make us happy, motherhood is always awful and hard, being healthy means you have a perfect body, and that a good life should always be easy and without obstacles.

I feel like I declare this over every year, but last year I blogged 19 times over the course of a year, which is WAY more than I did in 2019, or 2018 combined! So here I go again, trying to be better at this, and setting a goal of AT LEAST once a week, which feels completely manageable at the moment. Happy first week of January!

Finding Joy Right Where I'm Planted...

We’ve all heard the quote “Bloom Where You’re Planted” And if this year has taught me anything, it’s simply that. If you talked to me four years ago, I could tell you a million things I wished we had… things that I wished we could change about our house, our life, our financial situation. I was busy looking left and right and eyeing up all the things I didn’t have, and the lives of others on instagram, wishing for a home that felt “instagram-worthy” and perfect. I’m not generally someone who covets what others have, but I could easily get consumed by petty jealousy and play a mean game of comparison.

In the last few years, I’ve worked pretty hard on this. I’ve become best friends with the “unfollow” button, or the mute button. I’ve stopped picking up magazines, stopped looking for things I want, and focused so much more on what we need, and let everything else fall away. Social media is very good at feeding us a lie that tells us that what we have is never enough and what other people share about having is what we also need to have. Living a life of excess, having an over abundance of stuff, a new wardrobe every season, blah blah blah… but I realized it’s not what is going to bring you happiness. Maybe it will in the moment, but long term, you can’t sustain that. Instead, you need to find the joy right where you are. In your current moment. Look around and pick out a couple things that make you smile. Count the blessings.

My life is far from perfect. My home… far from perfect. Are those homes I see all over Instagram beautiful? You betcha. Would it be nice to have a little more space for our family to spread out a little? You betcha. But I am so proud of the home we do have. I love that we own a home that when people walk in, they feel cozy and welcomed. 2020 was the year we all stayed home, and the fact that I can say, I still love everything about this house, flaws and all, is saying something.

I wrote an instagram post this morning about instead of comparing my life to what others have, I talked about the joy I felt when I made my bed and saw the new Christmas quilt and red pillows. Seeing so cute and put together, I remembered that wish i made three years ago that “one of these years I’m going to bring the Christmas decor to our bedrooms, in order to bring the holiday magic to the whole house.”

Last year, I invested in two very small and inexpensive trees for the kids rooms. Slowly, but surely, I’m creating the dream I had for us with the limited budget we have, but creating something magical for my children has become more of a priority for me than getting likes or follows on instagram.

Yesterday, as Jonathan looked around the house, he told me… “Mama, Christmas is my favorite time. This looks so magical.” I could feel the lump in my throat, and it made me realize that THAT is what it’s all about. Creating magic in the every day. And for me, there is nothing more magical than a home at Christmastime.

My Holiday Tradition [Thirty-something Years in the Making]

It was 2014, I was trying to figure out my first Christmas as a new momma and felt this overwhelming pull to do something creative. (I swear, that’s the story of my life as an artist… always looking to do something creative). I had just bought two 6 packs of navy & white glass bulb ornaments and had some left over paint pens from a previous project. I can make an ornament for Jonathan, like my mom used to do for us.

A little background on the ornament making tradition in our family. It goes back to the late 80’s, when my mom had the same desire to make something creative for her kids, and so the yearly ornament was born. She would create a new design every year and make one for her kids and all of her nieces and nephews. (And my family is a big Irish Catholic family, so there is A LOT of us) <3 Somewhere around 2007-08 my mom decided to call it quits on the ornaments as her kids started to grow up and finish high school.

It only felt natural with my love of Christmas, to carry this tradition on, but the really fun element for me, was it was a way to spread this joy and love all over the country. If the only good thing about social media and the internet was that it helped to connect people who wouldn’t have normally met in other circumstances to somehow find people they enjoy or have things in common with, I’d say its been worth it.

It started off slow… maybe 15 orders my first year, 25 my second year… but then I started added designs and options. And the orders starting coming in… ways for people to remember their loved ones, milestones, thank clients, celebrate family parties & special moments. I am always so honored whenever an order comes through and I see what new special ornament I get to make for someone, or how I get to create something that can bring joy or peace to their heart when they hang it on their tree.

My second year, we had been feeling a hole in our hearts for the baby we had lost earlier that year, and making an ornament to remember him always fills my heart when I see it and know he is with us and watching out for his siblings from heaven. That year, I asked people to submit friends or family members who have experienced loss of a pregnancy or infant to send me their address so I could bless them with an ornament. Praying over those ornaments that they would give those families peace like I felt remembering my sweet baby.

This is my seventh Holiday season making ornaments for people, and the joy of doing this has only grown. I love getting to come up with new ideas and designs. I mean this from the bottom of my heart, so much love goes into every design, so much prayer goes into every launch hoping these new designs bring a smile to someones face. Christmas can be hard for so many, so I pray I can bring simple joy to those who need it most.

If you have ordered in the past, Thank you… If you plan to order this year… Thank you. You have helped me find an identity outside of being a mom, that allows me to help provide a modest Christmas for my family, especially these past few years as we struggle towards financial stability.

2020 has been hard for so many reasons, but let’s make a plan to make these last 60 days of the year so joyful and full of cheer!

I’d love to make something for your Christmas tree this year! I find so much joy in making every detail special! <3

a portion of orders from 2015

a small portion of orders from 2019

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Some of my Ornaments this year… more in the shop!

Sold out

White Porcelain Ornaments

$14.00

13.1 Miles of Fear & Doubt...

I don’t remember what day it was exactly, but a few days into 2020, I woke up and decided to google “1/2 Marathon’s near me”. This was the year I was going to reclaim my health, and push myself far out of my comfort zone. Like most people, the start of the new year brings out a strong need to make a huge change, and the start of a new decade? Even more pivotal. I know we all woke up in 2020 hoping that this was going to be an extraordinary year, but just not as EXTRA as it has turned out to be.

““Ryan, THIS is the year I run a 1/2 marathon!””

Let me give you a little insight into me. I hate running. Like hate HATE. With the burning passion of a thousand suns. So to wake up one morning and tell my husband that I’m going to sign up to run a 1/2 marathon, he was checking my temperature to make sure I wasn’t delirious. We had a good laugh, but then I found the Detroit Race -Women Run the D, and marked my calendar for Sept 13th. I talked about it with a couple people, but for the most part, I tried to keep it under my hat out of fear that I might not actually be able to do it.

MARCH 11, 2020-

I signed up, paid the money, and told myself when it gets warmer I will start running outside to train. Two days later, life as we all knew it had changed. Things we never imagined happening, happened. Panic over having toilet paper. Stress Baking became a thing. We were afraid to be around anyone, but I thought, this will all be back to normal by September! Right? I did a lot of endurance training on my stationary bike, and tried to really like running, but only did a total of 4 runs in June & July, in order to “train”. But I started hearing that other races were being cancelled and I was CONVINCED this race wasn’t going to happen, so I exhaled and figured I dodged a bullet.

AUGUST 16, 2020-

I received an email confirming that I didn’t want to cancel my spot, and that I would complete my 1/2 marathon virtually. Now, if my life was a tv show, I would have been drinking a beverage at the time, and then dramatically spewed that liquid all over my computer. Well shoot. The gauntlet was set. I had less than a month to train. And so in true-Jordanne fashion… I procrastinated & ignored it.

I debated going for a couple runs… “if I wake up early enough, I’ll go for a run before the kids get up.” But that never happened. I’m a pretty active person and I do actually work out every day, lots of cycling classes, weight training, etc… so it wasn’t like I was out of shape, but I knew that if I tried to do a practice run, I would absolutely psych myself out.

In all honesty, I wasn’t exactly sure that I would even attempt it. There was no one to hold me accountable, and if I didn’t do it, I was only out the money I paid to register. I even tried to laugh it off as if it was a joke, on Sunday, September 13th, when I told instagram that I had signed up for it, and had a week to accomplish it.

When I say that I’ve only ever run 2 miles max in my whole life… that is not exaggeration. Two miles. And for some reason I signed up to run 13.1. Skip the 5k, skip the 10k. 1/2 marathon or nothing.

I went for a drive on Sunday afternoon, after I finished a super hard workout. I must have still been coming down off the endorphin rush of completing a 45 Tabata ride, because I listened to “Till I Collapse” by Eminem about 5x, and a few other songs that pump me up. That was it. Enough excuses. Enough Fear. Enough Doubt. January 2020 version of Jordanne wanted to run a 1/2 marathon, so that’s what I’m going to do. It had to be either Monday or Tuesday, so we made the plans, and that was it. I woke up Tuesday morning, brought Jonathan to school. Listened to all the intense pump up music I could find, and I did it.

However you chose to look at this year, there is no judgement, because we all handle stress in different ways. For me, I knew that if I woke up on January 1, 2021 and I didn’t accomplish running a 1/2 marathon, I would be disappointed in myself.

I let fear hold me back for a lot of my life. I’m 33 years old, and have let fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, fear of how people are going to perceive me, fear of failure, I’ve let these dictate too many decisions in my life. One day I woke up and realized I needed to start living and listening to those nudges from God. If I didn’t… this life with these people (Ryan, Jonathan, Verona & Vivi) wouldn’t be. Be brave. Taking those first couple steps outside of your comfort zone are really scary, but gosh darnit, they are worth it.

The first couple miles felt easy, but as it went on, lots of prayer and some intense pump up music had to push me through. I even did a quick facetime with my sister who gave me so much love and encouragement. Sure, I was in a lot of physical pain, had a few call out to Jesus moments & I didn’t set any world record on my time, but I did it. 13.1 miles done… I had only even ran 2 miles in my whole life. I told myself I COULD NEVER run a 1/2 marathon.

What is something that you tell yourself you “COULD NEVER” do?

(Side Note: I’d probably recommend actually training, because my hips and low back were not really prepared for that level of torture…)

I mainly did this as a personal goal for myself, but also being able to show my kids that you can do anything you set your mind to. Circumstances will set you back or stand in your way, but with faith and determination… you can move mountains. This is kinda cheesy, but I have a quote that plays over in my head in times like this.

““Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!””

— Rocky Balboa