Less Hustle, More Grace

Do you ever just get a quote or saying stuck in your head and wonder, why is this repeated to me over and over? My belief is that is God's way of trying to get you to hear His voice. The word "grace" has been one that has been on replay in mind the last few months, whether I'm giving myself grace, or giving others grace, it's been a constant theme. To be completely honest, it was never really a word that I thought much of, and also always said I would never consider it for a child's name. (Just another time where God tells me to stop saying "never" because now I really love it and what it has come to mean to me this past year)

So when I felt this pull to design a small set of tumblers for my shop, I knew I wanted it to say something that was a personal message to myself every day. Because I've come to realize that if it's something I need to hear, it's something I know other people are needing to hear as well. So then "less hustle, more grace" was born. I know I didn't come up with it, but I've been seeing it as a constant theme around the interwebs, and thought it was perfect!

It's so easy for me to compare my bad days to that of other's highlight reels on Instagram, but yet I still do it. I think, man, if I could only hustle as hard as that person, or have as much time to work on stuff as another person. I compare my workdays to that of single girls or newly married ladies without children, people who have daily struggles all their own. But my struggles of taking care of a two year old and a house and husband, might not actually be their struggle, so it's really like comparing apples to oranges. //DOES NOT COMPUTE// And someone, somewhere might be wishing they had my struggles! (And even calling them struggles, bothers me, because struggling to find time to work, isn't really a struggle. It's basically finding time to do something that is merely a distraction from my most important work as a wife and mother) But you get where I'm going with this right? 

Let me be clear, hustling is not a bad thing. You need to hustle. But we all need a little more grace in our lives, because without it we are nothing.  

What I Really Need

Oh, you know what I really need? Warmth. Sunlight. Family time. Possibly even a strong tequila-beverage. I just feel so beat down. This winter seemed so long and harsh even though it was actually a very mild winter here in Michigan. 

I need flowers. I need house projects. I need walks outside with my son. And mostly I just need grace. I make myself feel like I need to be everything to everyone. I have to be at my best all the time. I need to Be healthy and active with adorable clothes and a perfect life with all the answers. But when I'm 100% honest, I'd tell you I'm drowning. 

My day is primarily comprised of motherhood, with days of cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry and meal planning thrown in for good measure. A few sprinkles of husband time & Add in a few dashes of emails, handlettering, miscellaneous projects and social media, and you have my life. There is not time for extras. No social gatherings. No book club. Not many friends outside of my immediate family members. I may SEEM social, but I promise you, I'm not. 

I don't say this to seek sympathy or get an invite to your next party, I say this so that maybe others who are feeling the same way don't feel lonely. I work so hard to simply stay afloat on the daily. Today as I texted my husband who is off to work, "I really miss you" tears streamed down my face because I really really do miss him. And I see him daily. He's not off in the military or on a work trip. He's here. With me. Everyday. But I miss him so much that it hurts. We're busy. And I HATE THAT WORD. Busy. I cringe every time I read it in peoples messages to me, because I sometimes I wish I wasn't. 

A few years ago I listened to an online webinar about being present & choosing what matters. It was about taking 5-10 minutes out of your day to simply lay in the grass, or go and share an ice cream cone with your child. At the time I didn't have kids, I was living in an apartment a few hours away from family and spent a lot of my days alone working like crazy from my home office. I felt overwhelmed. You know what is sad? I never corrected anything. I didn't set any new habits in place to be better, to be more intentional with my time, or to make time for what is truly important and what matters.

Soon after that webinar, we decided to move back home, live with my in-laws while we looked for a home to buy. Life became infinitely harder. A few months later we moved into our new house, and were thrust head first into a busy wedding season, followed by a few home projects, followed by finding out I was pregnant, prepping for a child, followed by having a baby, Ryan going back to school for his Masters, then life as new parents, etc. Ups and downs all along the way, but to say I've stopped to lay in the grass, I can honestly say that has only happened once since then. The only reason I know that is because I actually have a photo to prove it. 

Look at how little Jonathan was! It makes me so sad to think that there are never moment of silence for me. Never time for me to be still, to shut out the outside world, to shut out the thoughts in my head about wanting and needing to capture the moment, to answer that e-mail or to be social on social media. There is no off switch. And I'm tired. I'm so angry with myself for having it take me this long to realize that something has to change. 

I'm hoping that by admitting this to the public, that maybe I can be held accountable. When was the last time that you laid in the grass or took time away from the demands of social media and the demands of your job to just BE. I need to do this more, and if I do, I'm sure there are others. 

Hey Mama- Keep Going!

Ever have those days where nothing seems to go right? A day where you type out a whole blog post, press post and then realize it's ALL.GONE. Lost forever. Or those days during motherhood where you feel like you are just not winning at anything? Then a few days later you have an amazing day, and you think back and wish you could tell your self that it's alright and you're doing a great job. Even as I write this, my son is physically attempting to break out of his crib in order to avoid his daily nap. 

I've been seeing this question a lot lately on social media, "If you could tell your younger self anything, what would it be?" I think, wow, I have SO MUCH to tell you younger Jordanne. First and foremost, continue to be you, High school popularity means nothing, read your bible more,  or don't marry the first guy to show the slightest interest in you, marry the one who loves you so deeply that he is willing to wait and fight for you. I could seriously go on for pages on all that I could tell you.

But what if you could fast forward five short years, see all the ways that God has provided for you, see all the things you've enjoyed and all that you've missed, and then go back and tell your current self what matters most. (without disclosing details of the future of course). Would you tell yourself to hustle harder? Avoid family time so you can get that promotion? Be bigger? Work Harder? 

I know what it would be for me: Slow down. Enjoy the quiet moments. Date your husband. Kiss & snuggle that little boy for an extra five minutes each day, because he won't always be this little. Work less. Say no. Take the back roads. Worry less about the big plan. Read your bible more. Accept your husbands negatives just as much as you accept his positives. Take walks. Sit in silence more often. Social media really doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of life. Bake more. Love on others. Take better care of yourself, not because you hate the way you look, but because your family loves you and needs you around for a long time. And finally, remember that God's plan is ALWAYS greater. 

That last one is so very hard for me. With my mouth and my brain, I can repeat this to myself daily, but my heart doesn't always accept its honest truth. Some days I believe this. God's plan is better than mine. Then other days, days that are consumed with dark moments. Hard, unbearable moments, where your face is tear stained and everything you hoped, prayed and dreamed and planned for crumbles right before your eyes. You feel lost, forgotten, unloved. You throw up your hands in surrender because you just can't see the light, while surrounded by so much darkness. You wonder, Where are you God? Why is this happening to me? How could this plan be what you want for me?

This time last year, my husband and I were SO excited about our upcoming doctors appointment. We were going to get to see the newest member of our family on an ultrasound. We were already planning out room arrangements, names, dreaming about the future as a family of 4. It felt like all was right with the world. Then boom. Its gone. It's Physically removed from you. Completely stolen from your heart and your plan for Christmas morning is gone. You are rocked right to your core and you don't know how to pick up those pieces. 

It is in these moments, for some reason, when I hear God's voice. He calls to me in the lyrics of a song, or a phone call from a friend. He jumps off the page at me as I search for answers, understanding, some type of explanation as to why. I know my heart will never be fixed, there is not bandaid big enough to fix the hurt you will forever carry from this loss, but I know that God's plan is good. God's plan is BIGGER than me. So we carry on. 

It's now been almost a full year of trying for another baby. We've talked to doctors, done tests, and as of right now, all we keep hearing is "wait". "Wait a few more months of trying" For a girl that had a plan set in place to be DONE having kids by the time I'm 30, those words just don't seem right. But here I am, waiting. The patiently part I'm still working on, but I think God gives you certain graces in this "in between times". Remember that your story isn't a Story of struggle, its God's story of rescue. -Rebekah Lyons.

What is it that you're waiting for? In what ways is God blessing your life RIGHT NOW as you wait? Leave them in the comments below so I can pray for you in this time of rest and waiting. 

The Baby Shower | Welcoming Baby V-Dubs

Can you believe that we are already approaching one year of having the cutest little boy I ever did see in our lives? How did that happen? So to celebrate this awesome week, I want to get some blog posts up that are all about this sweet baby boy and how we prepared for his arrival. 

When we found out that we were having a little boy, it SERIOUSLY took some getting used to. Convinced I was going to have a little girl and create a room of Pink and Gold accents, as soon as I opened my eyes to see blue confetti falling from the sky, I knew that this little dude growing inside of me was going to have some pretty sweet shoes to fill. I went out the next day and bought a hat and some adorable boat shoes to make it seem more real. 

So, when it came time to start planning the shower, light baby blue and pastels were NOT an option. He was my little Man right off the bat, and there was no doubt in my mind that we had to have a Shower to reflect that. My go-to colors of choice are Turquoise/Teal & Green. Starting there I created some fun invites to get people excited about this fun fête! 

The centerpieces were created by my talented friend, Rachel of Urban Flowers. And the soaps were made by my fabulous sister-in-law Sarah with the packaging created by me of course! :) 

My mom is seriously a master when it comes to fun details for showers and weddings and she made all these adorable bow-ties, table runners, and all the bunting you see hanging. I swear that woman needs to open her own online shop to sell all this awesomeness! 

All the food was created with LOVE by my fairy godmother, Diane. This woman is also a creative wonder & a master of many things! 

What a fabulous way to celebrate our baby boy, back when he was just Baby VDubs to us! :)