Dear Jonathan... {Year 6}

To the little boy, who made me a mama. Thank you. Never in a million years did I think I would know THIS MUCH about Dinosaurs and other prehistoric (marine & winged) reptiles, but you have made learning right along side you so much fun. Seeing your face light up because I show the same amount of interest in it as you do, makes it all so worth it.

I love you. I love the way you love me. I love how much you’ve taught me about myself in these past 6 years. You cheer me on when I work out, you always thank me for making you food and tell me its good, and when I have a bad mommy day, you’re always quick to forgive me.

August 2016

You have the sweetest soul. Your excitement for life is my favorite thing ever, because you’ve never met a thing or a person you didn’t like, and I love that about you. (except for spiders, like me, you really hate spiders)

Watching you grow up and turn into this little boy I see before me has been the best 6 years of my life. I never imagined being as strong of a person as I am today… if you told me 5 years ago that one day I would be able to get 3 kids ready, out the door and in carseats in 5 min flat, I’d think you were crazy! But here we are.

You got some of my favorite qualities from me and your dad and it has been so fun seeing them come out. I adore being creative with you, drawing, coloring, painting, and then also watching you and your dad geek out over all the technical stuff that you enjoy, building designs, working with your hands, etc. You are one cool kid, and we tell you that every day.

You are the sweetest big brother. You are so kind and loving and a little rough sometimes with them, but I know it’s because you love them THAT MUCH, that sometimes you just can’t control the cute aggression that you feel. (I get that way too)

Also. Your freckles. They are my favorite. And your cute Jonny laugh that you’ve done since you were little. I love you my bright eyed little boy. Thank you for all the love and grace you’ve shown me these past 6 years as I navigate being a mom. I can’t wait to see what this next year holds for you as you begin Kindergarten!

Love forever,

Your imperfect mama

When Enough is Enough...

(disclaimer: I am not a certified life coach, dietician, fitness instructor or personal trainer. I’m not telling you that this is the only way to do something, just my personal journey and how I went about it. You have to find what works for you. Also, I know every health journey is different & results will look different for each person. I know my worth is not found in my body.)

There is a certain number on the scale that when I see it, I say, Okay, Enough is enough. There is a certain feeling I get in my body, when I say Enough is ENOUGH. I’m not sure if it’s being an 8 on the Ennegram, but when I want to change something, I figure out what it’s going to take to make the change and I do it.

I’ll talk about this more later, but I have a VERY sensitive stomach. Is it possibly from the years of feeding my body processed sugar and garbage? My pop/soda addiction. That one week I lived off of pixie sticks, Red Bull and Monster? Who knows. But I know this, I had my gallbladder removed in 2014 and its been a crazy learning experience to figure out what will and will not send me STRAIGHT to the bathroom. (yeah I went there).

Flash forward to January 2020. I was so motivated by the NEW DECADE, but I kept telling myself that I need to breastfeed (pump) for a full year, and I still had 6 months to go. I was sooo worried about not consuming enough calories, I was afraid that workouts would affect my supply, believe me, I had a MILLION excuses. It only took 12 days into the new year for me to say “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH”.

Before I found out I was pregnant with Vivienne, I had just lost 20 lbs, I was in great shape and felt unstoppable! I was so proud of my progress in those short 3 months, that when that pregnancy test said positive, I was scared about what I knew was coming (the pregnancy/ not the baby). If you’ve been around for the past 6 years, you know that pregnancy KICKS. MY. BUTT. in those first 3 months, and I knew it meant I only had maybe a week left before I started feeling all the sickness. With all three pregnancies I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum, and lost 10-12 lbs from 6.5 weeks gestation-20 weeks.

Something no one tells you about after you have your third baby is the SERIOUS PHYSICAL TOLL that pregnancy and child birth can have on your body. Holy cow. Diastasis Recti. Weak Pelvic Floor. Pelvic organ Prolapse. (not to mention the toll that sleep deprivation can have on you) After Vivienne was born, I felt SO WEAK. And having her be my third baby, I wanted to soak in every drop of her, but also knew the importance of breastfeeding, so I made sure to keep my calories up by eating my body weight in Double Stuf Oreos, Peanut butter M&Ms & ice cream. “These all make me drink water” is how I justified it to myself.

Cut back to January 12th, I’ve just spent a week feeling like crap, constantly running to the bathroom because sweets do that to me. Everything I ate was making me sick. I was packing on weight like crazy, because most of what I was eating was refined sugars & carbs and my body was storing everything it could. I got on the scale and saw those numbers. I was at my “uncomfortable for me” weight. My clothes didn’t fit anymore, even wearing LEGGINGS was hurting my stomach. I lived in sweatpants and sweatshirts. I wanted to cry.

It was time. So. I grabbed my tape measure & workout journal, swallowed my pride, took some “Before” photos and recorded my measurements.

Don’t stop reading: because this is where it gets hard, because a lot of people will say “Don’t do that to yourself! Your worth is not made up by numbers and measurements” And I 100% Agree with that. These measurements and photos were not meant to shame me, or tell me I wasn’t valuable, but yet, acted as my motivation to see change. It’s easy to get discouraged if you’re basing your progress primarily on a scale, especially if you’re working out. Muscle weighs more than FAT. And I knew these numbers wouldn’t consume me.

How I took My Measurements:

Using a seamstress or fabric tape measure, make sure the tape is laying flat on the surface around each area, and do not pull super tight.

What I recorded:

• Left Arm

• Right Arm

• Bust

• Natural Waist

• Belly (at the biggest area)

• Hips

• Left Thigh

• Right Thigh

• Left Calf

• Right Calf

Why I recorded inches: It was amazing to see the inches drop, even if the pounds weren’t. I would take measurements every other week, sometimes I gained an inch, sometimes I lost 4 inches all around, but the process is the Journey.

My Before Photos from Jan 13, 2020

Next up, I took Before Pictures: One from the front, side & back. And here’s why, obviously you can see a physical change in a photo, but also, you will start to see a difference in posture and confidence. That is something you can’t see on a scale.

Now here’s the most important thing I want to communicate to you. There is no “END RESULT” no “desired pants size” or number on the scale. This was a conscious lifestyle change. I wanted to become someone who ENJOYED the workout. Someone who made fitness a part of her life, not someone who fit it in if I had the time, or because I wanted to punish my body for the choices I made. I actually started to CRAVE the endorphins. I’ve learned that I’m a better mom/wife if I am able to take 30-40 min a day to put in my headphones and do the work.

July 2020 Progress Photo.

Today marks 6 whole months. It started slow, with maybe 2-3 workouts a week. Some yoga & spin classes. Now it’s every day I do SOMETHING to move my body. Running, spinning, yoga, strength training.

I’ve lost 10 pounds. Down 30.5 total inches.

I’m going to be honest with you, if all this hard work was only about the pounds, I would have given up months ago. Also, If you’re reading this and saying, you don’t have the time… I’m here to say, you do. I have 3 kids. Put down your phone. That 30 min you could spend scrolling, could be your 30 min.

All that to say, don’t make it about self loathing or shame. Do it for you because you want to love the body you’ve been given. I have cellulite, stretch marks and lots of loose skin, but my body gave me three wonderful babies. I shifted my mindset away from “losing weight” and said Screw Being Skinny, I want to be STRONG. I want my kids to see that when you have something you want to fix, don’t just talk about it, go and do something.

Dear Verona... {Year 3}

My dear sweet Verona girl,

It’s hard to believe you are three, because I still very clearly remember a day that I was praying for you to come into existence. As I pleaded with God, laying on a tear soaked pillow, I prayed for a curly blonde hair, blue eyed daughter who loved sundresses, singing, dancing and laughing. I prayed for a smart, silly, lover-girl with a calm demeanor, but strong-willed personality. I often wonder if God gave me these desires, or if you were simply an answer to a prayer I always knew I needed. Three years doesn’t seem that long, because I feel like I’ve known you all my life.

Thank you for being my air, sunshine & light. Thank you for being my Rainbow. Thank you for always being down for dance parties, Starbucks runs, & trips to Target. Thank you for telling me I’m a good mama, even when you can tell I’m having a ‘bad mama day.’ Thank you for always saying “hey mama, you so awesome” 102 times a day because you know it makes me smile. Thank you for being strong willed, I promise this is a good thing, even if people try to turn it into a flaw. Thank you for all the daily kisses, hugs, snuggles and forehead hugs, some days they are the only thing holding me together. Thank you for always laughing at my funny faces and for saying “oh mama, you so funny” and for loving all the girly things that I love.

I have so many dreams for you, my beautiful girl, but I promise to always be your cheerleader, no matter what direction you choose to go. I want you to always know that I am here to give you guidance but I will try my hardest to make sure it’s never hateful or judgmental.

This next year was going to be a big one for you, with going to preschool and meeting new friends. I’m so sorry that it won’t be happing due to current state of the world, but this year is still filled with so much promise and excitement, and I can’t wait to explore this world with you!

I’m so grateful for the beautiful little girl you are turning into, and when I look into your sweet smiling face you make my heart quadruple in size. They always say three is a hard age, but I’m so ready to go through this next year to continue to watch you grow into who God is creating you to be. I know you are going to do big things and I love you more than life.

with love,
Your imperfect mama

Teach-It Tuesday: 10 Min Hip/Low Back Stretches

With my past two pregnancies, around 20 weeks I started to experience TERRIBLE hip, pelvic and lower back pain. I couldn’t even walk a mile without almost being in tears. I would describe my problems to my doctor and they would just write it off as pain that is common with pregnancy. I would go to the grocery store and end up leaving early, because the pain was so unbearable that I could barely handle pushing the cart. Lots of crying. Lots of frustration, that only got worse the second time around having to chase after an active two year old. I started going to a chiropractor, which was a great temporary fix, but later that night, I was back to the same pain. Turns out I suffer from Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction or (SPD), and no one could give me any answers on how to make it better. 

After giving birth to Verona, I still struggled with that back and hip pain, it was so bad that I wasn’t even able to pick up my right foot to get dressed, I could barely handle carrying Verona to and from the car, and walking up and down stairs became almost impossible. It was pretty scary to be 31 years old,  unable to sit on the floor with my kids or take my kids for walks and push them in the stroller. I felt weak. So I decided to take matters into my own hands, bought a stationary bike, started stretching, yoga and taking spin classes and I ended up feeling so strong and the SPD pain was completely gone. 

When I found out I was pregnant in November 2018, I made my husband promise to make sure I don’t give up on cycling and that I stay active. Now at almost 32 weeks, I feel great! Granted, I’m still pregnant and there is always a level of discomfort that comes with that, groans when getting out of bed, getting up off the couch, etc. But last weekend, we almost walked/hiked three miles and there was no complaining on my part. These stretches have helped me immensely, and when I start to feel a little sore, I stop what I’m doing and make sure I stretch to reset my body. I hope these are able to help you as well! 

All you need is a yoga mat, yoga block & have your socks and shoes off!  I’ve linked the ones I have. 

THE ROUTINE 

• Start with a few rounds of Cat/Cow. (3-4x)

• In a cross-legged seated position, right foot in front of left, walk your hands forward and keep your back long and straight. Hold for 10 sec. Walk hands to the right and then the left & then back to center, holding for 10 sec each way. Switch feet and repeat. (To modify, I sit in a butterfly pose and use a block on my feet to rest my head) Then I added a few side bends.

• Lower your body to the mat, feet should be hip width apart, and bridge your back and bum up, then slowly articulate your spine back down to the mat. Concentrate on getting each vertebrae to touch the mat individually, upper back, middle back, lower back. (Repeat 3x)

• Marching Flow- lift right leg to the sky, cross over left knee letting your leg relax and open up, then back to the sky and back down to the mat. Repeat the same with the left leg. 2x each leg.

• Repeat again with your right leg, cross over left knee, but this time hold it and press down on your hips making more space in your spine and hips. Then thread the needle, by placing both hands around your left leg and pulling it into your chest, holding for 10 sec. Then slide both legs, and grab your ankles for “cow-face pose on your back” and hold for 10 sec. Place both feet on the mat, reset with a bridge and repeat with the left side.

• Walk your feet to the edge of the mat, and bring your knees together so you are “pigeon kneed” then drop both legs to the right, then both legs to the left, almost like windshield wipers. Repeat this 4x total. Then both knees to the left and take your left foot and place it on top of your right knee. Repeat on Right side as well.

• Using your block, place it at the base of your spine, lower back. Pull your right leg to your chest, then stretch your left leg long. Try to rotate your left knee inward to feel more stretch in your hip. Hold for 10 sec. Repeat with other leg.

• Happy Baby: On your back, grab the inside of your feet and rock from side to side.

• Come to a seated position, and repeat the second step, seeing how much more loose and open your lower back and hips feel.

Please let me know if this has helped you, or if you would be interested in more posts like this. We need to stay active! I refuse to go back to all that discomfort and back pain, when carving out 20-30 min a day to make yourself a priority is so easy! Happy Tuesday! <3