2020 Review

2020. I mean, am I right? I figured I would try to do a recap of our 2020, and when I started grabbing my favorite pictures from this year, it made me SO HAPPY (and I had a really hard time only choosing a few). I’m just going to break it down Month by Month I guess… SO, I apologize because this is going to be LONG.

JANUARY

January started with, hand foot and mouth disease, and LOTS of cleaning.

Lots of time was spent just me and the kids, because Ryan was travelling SO MUCH, and was gearing up for a full year of travelling.

I got a lot of Viv snuggles, and we managed to get her on a really good sleeping schedule, even though it kind of felt like we would never see the end of all the sleepless nights.

Winter in Michigan always encourages lots of snuggling, so I’m all for that, especially with these 3 snuggle butts.

Also in January, I started working out again, Jonathan started Learn to Skate & I painted the vanity in the bathroom!

FEBRUARY

In February, I discovered my obsession for Oat Yeah creamer, and had fun playing with my new Tombow markers.

Lots more Viv Snugs.

Vivienne still stealing the show with her cuteness.

Ryan and I went on our only date of 2020. I did some workouts with the kids, and Ryan was able to touch his toes for the first time since grade school.

Ryan went on a couple more business trips, and we spent some time outside in the snow.

Jonathan started really progressing in his learn to skate class, we started planning the girls room remodel, and Verona told me she wanted to start going on the big girl potty. (But I wasn’t quite ready)

MARCH

Ryan went on his last business trip, Vivienne turned 8 months old. Jonathan was still in Learn to skate. The kids enjoyed some outside time… and I did another small project in the bathroom.

And suddenly we were issued a stay at home order, Ryan had to work from home, and we started doing more painting projects with the kids.

We started making art in our windows to put a smile on the face of everyone who was walking by. Jonathan lost his first tooth. Verona was potty trained. And we didn’t leave our house for two full weeks.

Lots of couch snuggles because we all got sick. (Not with covid)

APRIL

We enjoyed a lot of time at home. Lots of cleaning. Lots of sanitizing of everything, mail, packages, groceries. Lots of snuggles.

We were not able to attend Easter mass, or spend it with family, so we made it work. And did some baking.

We switched out the rug in our living room, and cleaned up the kitchen and purged a lot of our cabinets.

We learned to love all the time we were given to enjoy each others company.

MAY

The trees started to change & we finally started having warm enough weather that we could go for hikes.

Jonathan’s grandma finished making his quilt for his bed, and he finished preschool. And I took them for a drive around town just to get out of the house.

We really really learned to love our backyard. Slip n slide, and enjoying the sun.

So. Many. Walks. Almost every night when the weather permitted.

Memorial weekend was beautiful and we were able to enjoy the pool at grandma & grandpa’s.

Also, planted our flower pots and the garden!

JUNE

June came and I decided blogging would be a good idea. I had continued to progress with all my working out, and even started running. At the end of the month we FINALLY had our brand new air conditioning hooked up.

More outside time. More pool fun. More sun. More time just the five of us.

JULY

July came and brought birthday’s for all three babies. Verona turned 3, Vivienne turned 1 & Jonathan turned 6.

We FINALLY felt brave enough to go on an out of town adventure, and spent time with Ryan’s family.

More pool time.

My kids have a lot of personality.

More walks, watching sunsets, & lots of ice cream.

AUGUST

With August, brought my 33rd birthday, and our 8th Wedding Anniversary. We celebrated in Traverse City with hikes in the woods and some late nights by the fire.

Also LOTS of beach time at our very secluded favorite beach along the shore of Lake Michigan.

We had the chance to go blueberry picking with grandma, and we are still enjoying the fruits of that labor.

We were able to make it back up north for one final weekend in Traverse City for more beach time. I can’t even begin to explain how special this time with our kids was at the beach.

It’s truly something I will hold close to my heart forever.

We switched out our oven, and FINALLY finished our girls room renovation.

SEPTEMBER

September brought about MORE walks & hikes in the woods.

You guessed it, more time enjoying our own backyard.

Jonathan started his first day of kindergarten, at his amazing “pod school” in town.

I ran my first (and maybe my only) 1/2 marathon. 13.1 miles of pain… if I ever do it again, maybe I’ll train.

More Hikes, a field trip, and lots of precious time with Verona while brother was at school.

OCTOBER

October brought Ryan’s 34th birthday and lots of love from his daughters.

Yup. More hikes.

WE. GOT. A. PELOTON!!!!!!! And I promised Ryan I would use it EVERY DAY. I’m still obsessed with it.

Finally being braver and going out in public more. Life feels weird. Masks are our reality right now, and one day I’ll look back on this and laugh.

We enjoyed some baking and made Halloween treats.

Finished off the month with trick or treating with masks at a few houses in our neighborhood.

NOVEMBER

We had a week of unseasonably warm weather, and we enjoyed EVERY SECOND of it!

Last walk of the year.

Snuggles with my girls, and attended my nephews baptism and enjoyed some MUCH NEEDED time with my family.

More working from home for Ryan. Had our first Thanksgiving at our house.

And finally got the house ready for Christmas. Hung lights outside and embraced the weirdest year of our lives with going all in on the Christmas decor.

DECEMBER

December came and I got all my ornament orders completed and shipped out. We got our house completely decked out with Christmas, and more Christmas projects!

The kids all got sick, so lots of snuggles.

Once everyone felt better we made Christmas cookies with grandma!

Was able to have a wonderful gathering with my family for Christmas.

Enjoyed a beautiful Christmas eve & day and weekend at home. And felt extremely blessed by all that God provided for our family this year.

We had an AWESOME snow day, and enjoyed it as a family!

Per usual, Viv bringing the cuteness.

And then we finished the year with an epic nerf gun battle, the “ball drop” at 8pm with the kids and Ryan was asleep by 11:45pm.

And there we have it… A couple hundred photos of our year. If you made it through that, thank you. I don’t really share a lot of photos on social media platforms because I wonder if people want to see it. But this is us. Our crazy, simple, modest life we live here in Michigan.

In 2020, I learned…

• I can handle a lot.

• I still adore my husband, possibly more so because he is incredibly helpful.

• How to cut my husband and son’s hair.

• That I can go a really long time without coloring my hair.

• Stores with Drive up are my favorite.

• I don’t need to eat take out, and McDonalds just doesn’t sound good right now.

• Working out is SUPER addicting and makes me a better mom/wife/person.

• Wearing makeup keeps me motivated.

• Not seeing family sucks.

• Ryan CAN work from home.

• Our backyard isn’t as bad as I thought.

• Homemade dairy free ice cream is actually really good.

• People are going to say hurtful things. Be Kind anyway.

• I really really really miss going on a date with my husband.

• My house needs a basement.

• I learned a lot about myself. I unpacked a lot of pain from my past, and even if it wasn’t addressed with the people who hurt me, I learned to forgive myself.

• Communication is EXTREMELY important.

---

To say this past year was so hard for so many people would be the understatement of the century. But I choose to focus on the blessings of this year, because they have taught me sooo much about resiliency and appreciating what is right in front of us. I’m praying that 2021 will bring continued Joy to our home even in these uncertain times.

Finding My Focus: Why I do What I do...

“What do you do? And Why do you do it?” Two questions I’ve been sitting down with a lot lately. Outside of the obvious “I’m a mom, and I love my kids” it’s really getting me thinking on a bigger scale.

This year for Christmas, Ryan bought me a book that was on my amazon wish list, and instead of just buying one, he bought two so he could read it right along with me. In true Ryan fashion, he had to vet the author and make sure she was good and someone he would enjoy reading, and after realizing that a lot of her messages align with his current favorite author, Michael Hyatt, he was intrigued. For those curious, it’s The Joy of Missing Out by Tonya Dalton.

Let me preface this with saying, I’m not someone who enjoys reading. If I have a spare 10-15 minutes, I usually waste it scrolling instagram or amazon looking at random things I don’t need. I couldn’t even be motivated in high school or college knowing my grade depended on it. It’s just never something that I’ve given myself the mental space to do. So when Ryan told me he would do this with me and we could discuss the book together, I was excited for another thing for us to talk about. A little look into me and Ryan’s relationship, we talk a lot, we discuss certain topics, we are very much involved in each other’s lives. If you were to see us out on a date in a restaurant (you know, pre-covid), there are no phones at the table, and we are usually talking or laughing.

A couple nights ago, after finishing a chapter, I put down the book and started talking about the questions that the author posed. “What do I do? Why do I do it? What am I passionate about? What makes me great?” Ryan and I tossed around a couple ideas, and he told me things that he thought I was good at, and I brought up a few things I enjoyed. Outside of motherhood, one big constant for me in all my years, I’ve always loved connecting with people on very personal levels. Almost allergic to small talk, I don’t want to talk to you about the weather, but rather something that is on your mind. Something deeper than that. Something you aspire to do, something you’re struggling with. Or I want to talk to you about something deeper that’s on my mind, in order to connect with you and show you another layer of who I am.

If you’ve known me for any amount of time, and have had a real conversation with me, you know that I don’t fake the funk. People who know me in real life, and follow me on social media know that they get the same person no matter what. (I may curse a little bit more in real life, but that’s only if I know there aren’t children present.) But THIS is me. And one thing that I brought up to Ryan as an answer to what I’m passionate about, is that I don’t like knowing people feel alone. Whether it’s in life, in motherhood, in their health, in their struggles, in their joy, I want to be able to use what God has given me, who He made me to be, and bring those struggling a glimmer of peace and to feel seen.

Okay, so all that to say, how am I going to put this into action? Honestly, I’m going to keep showing up. I’m going to keep talking about my life, our struggles, our wins because that’s what I love. Maybe it’s here on the blog. Maybe it will be with people who send me direct messages. Or with friends I get to sit down and have coffee with. But my one prayer for 2021 is to continue this life of living with intention, not buying into the lies that THINGS make us happy, motherhood is always awful and hard, being healthy means you have a perfect body, and that a good life should always be easy and without obstacles.

I feel like I declare this over every year, but last year I blogged 19 times over the course of a year, which is WAY more than I did in 2019, or 2018 combined! So here I go again, trying to be better at this, and setting a goal of AT LEAST once a week, which feels completely manageable at the moment. Happy first week of January!

Comfortable in my Skin...

There is a photo of me from 2018, that every time I look at it, makes me smile. It’s just me. Being a mom. I was feeling good, had lost weight, was eating healthy and felt so proud of all the hard work I had put in. Verona was just a little over a year old, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was finally getting back to my normal self again. About a month after this photo was taken, I found out I was pregnant with Vivienne…

I bring this up not because I was upset about having another baby, but to shed some light on the physical toll pregnancy and child birth can have on your body. I’m not saying it’s not worth it, but for me, knowing what the next year and half would entail made it a little scary to think about. Here I was, feeling the best I have felt in YEARS, tons of energy, starting to see definition in muscles, yet bracing myself for the inevitable hyperemesis gravidarum journey, bedrest, exhaustion, weight loss, pelvic floor dysfuncion, not to mention the belly and back pain. Okay. That’s enough complaining.

It’s been two years since that first photo was taken. In that two years, I’ve been pregnant, had a baby, breastfed said baby for a year, chased around older kids, stopped coloring my hair, but most importantly… kept a promise to myself that I would one day get back to a point where I felt as comfortable in my skin as I did in that first picture from 2018. And here we are.

Proud of the person I see in the mirror, flaws and all. Thankful for a body that carried and gave birth to three beautiful blessings. Even with the loose skin & stretch marks I’m comfortable in my skin.

Being an example to my children to teach them to love & respect the body that God gave them is something that isn’t always easy, but is so important to me.

First Day of School Jitters...

It always starts the same, palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy… just kidding that’s an Eminem song. But in all seriousness. The start of a new school year brings out so much anxiety in me. And when I try to put my finger on why, all I’m met with is confusion and more anxiety. Maybe I should take the advice from the wise Donald Draper and “Think about it deeply, and then forget it… then an idea will jump up in your face.” In this case, not so much an idea, but maybe the whole reason as to why I’m so crazy when it comes to the first day jitters.

Yesterday was our 3rd first day of school for Jonathan. He attended a year of Preschool, followed by young fives, and now his first day of Kindergarten, and I have felt on the verge of vomiting all three times. This anxiety generally starts to subside a few weeks in, once I start to get into the groove and get a better handle on our new routine… but that’s just it. Routine. I thrive on it. I know what to expect. And as someone who actually enjoyed this summer of cancelled plans, forced time at home, and all this SOCIAL-distancing… re-entering the world of OTHER people is so hard. (FOR ME).

Sharing the funny, honest & embarrassing on social media just comes naturally, I’d say I’m a down-to-earth human being, but when you meet me in person I’M PAINFULLY AWKWARD. So much awkward silence, I’m terrible at making conversation, in truth, I’m just SUPER shy… So when I meet people in person, they think I’m just not nice because I’m not super chatty right off the bat. When in truth… I really want to be outgoing, but I never know what to say!

Wow, this is actually quite cathartic as I hash this out in my own head, because I’ve already revealed two truths to myself as to why I feel ALL THE ANXIETY about starting a new school year. 1. Fear of Change. 2. Fear of forced interaction with new people. And the last truth, I just realized. 3. My projected personal fears of going to a new school with new people, for Jonathan. Let me explain…

Jonathan is an incredibly kind and energetic little boy. He loves to laugh. Love dinosaurs. Thinks everyone in this world is good. Doesn’t understand personal space, and general social etiquette with people who aren’t in his own family. So I’m constantly worried that someone is going to be mean to him, or bully him and steal his sweet naive spirit away from him. When I look back on my years of school, I’m not met with all the warm fuzzies some people might have. It was hard. I never felt like I fit in anywhere. People made assumptions about me because I was quiet. And I think I inadvertently project all those feelings on to Jonathan, even though he is a completely different kid. And I need to stop doing that. All I can do is encourage him to be the kind of kid that makes EVERYONE feel welcome, and teach him that everyone is different, but they are EXACTLY how God intended them to be.

So to sum up all my ramblings: Here is what I’ve learned while writing down some crazy thoughts and feelings.

1. Don’t be afraid of change. It’s good. It promotes growth and new habits.

2. Stop being so afraid to meet new people. As your life changes, so do the people you come in contact with, and just like change, new friends are also good.

3. Don’t project your own bad experiences on your kids, and let them draw their own conclusions based off of what they personally experience.