Dear Verona... {Year 3}

My dear sweet Verona girl,

It’s hard to believe you are three, because I still very clearly remember a day that I was praying for you to come into existence. As I pleaded with God, laying on a tear soaked pillow, I prayed for a curly blonde hair, blue eyed daughter who loved sundresses, singing, dancing and laughing. I prayed for a smart, silly, lover-girl with a calm demeanor, but strong-willed personality. I often wonder if God gave me these desires, or if you were simply an answer to a prayer I always knew I needed. Three years doesn’t seem that long, because I feel like I’ve known you all my life.

Thank you for being my air, sunshine & light. Thank you for being my Rainbow. Thank you for always being down for dance parties, Starbucks runs, & trips to Target. Thank you for telling me I’m a good mama, even when you can tell I’m having a ‘bad mama day.’ Thank you for always saying “hey mama, you so awesome” 102 times a day because you know it makes me smile. Thank you for being strong willed, I promise this is a good thing, even if people try to turn it into a flaw. Thank you for all the daily kisses, hugs, snuggles and forehead hugs, some days they are the only thing holding me together. Thank you for always laughing at my funny faces and for saying “oh mama, you so funny” and for loving all the girly things that I love.

I have so many dreams for you, my beautiful girl, but I promise to always be your cheerleader, no matter what direction you choose to go. I want you to always know that I am here to give you guidance but I will try my hardest to make sure it’s never hateful or judgmental.

This next year was going to be a big one for you, with going to preschool and meeting new friends. I’m so sorry that it won’t be happing due to current state of the world, but this year is still filled with so much promise and excitement, and I can’t wait to explore this world with you!

I’m so grateful for the beautiful little girl you are turning into, and when I look into your sweet smiling face you make my heart quadruple in size. They always say three is a hard age, but I’m so ready to go through this next year to continue to watch you grow into who God is creating you to be. I know you are going to do big things and I love you more than life.

with love,
Your imperfect mama

My Peloton Cycling Hack...

Okay, so the number one & two questions I get on Instagram is : “How much do you love your Peloton bike?” And when I tell them I don’t own one, the next question is: “Then what bike do you have and do you recommend it?”

Lets go back to 2016, when I learned that I actually enjoyed spin classes by buying a cheap stand for my road bike (which I hated, because it was loud and awkward). I highly recommend learning whether or not you like spin classes before you make this investment, because this type of workout isn’t for everyone.

But I’m going to be real with you all, because you know that’s just how I roll. Listen up. If you have the money to invest in a legit Peloton bike & you already know you love spin classes, I will tell you, WITHOUT A DOUBT, invest in that bike. I’m just biding my time until I can afford to buy one of my very own, but this little hack in the meantime has helped me!

Flash forward to 2018, Ryan asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and after just coming off of a full year of breastfeeding Verona, I was ready to tone up, but didn’t want to go back to my makeshift bike stand. To his surprise, I said “Please get me a spin bike. Or a Peloton” In true Ryan fashion, he proceeded to get on Consumer Report, and read everything he could to figure out the most bang for our buck. We only had a couple hundred dollars to spend at the time, and so he bought me a Sunny Health Stationary bike. (They don’t make it anymore, But I have linked one similar).

My View. Notice the top left corner telling me my heart rate and cadence.

The key to success was the add ons: switching out the caged pedals with legit cycling pedals, getting riding shoes, a cadence sensor and heart rate monitor & downloading and paying for the Peloton app. {Which is free for 30 days right now, with a new signup btw}

When using the Peloton App on my iPad, I can connect my heart rate monitor and cadence sensor through bluetooth and it makes it so much easier to follow along with the workouts! I set my iPad on the handle bars, clip in and get to work.

Unfortunately, you won’t know your resistance or output, but a lot of times the instructors will describe how the “road” should be feeling. (ie. Flat road, cycling through mud, steep hill, etc)

I can’t say enough good things about the Peloton app. Not only do I adore the cycling classes, but they also have Treadmill workouts, Vinyasa Style Yoga, Strength classes, bootcamps, Cardio, Outdoor Running Audio, Meditation, stretching and more. I can easily find something to do each day, depending on what level of exertion I want to do.

I love cycling. Especially when the workouts are tough, and the music is loud and amazing. I’m one of those people who is easily motivated by music, but it has been KEY right now for me to tune out the world and do the hard work.

Go to this link : << My Workout Love List on Amazon >>if you want to find my favorite sports bras, preworkout, protein powder, yoga favorites and more. I’m going to do a post later about my health journey, because I think that’s very important as well.

All the images below have links to each item if your interested! And if you have any more questions, please leave me some comments and I’ll try to answer as I go!!

...Because I Love to Share.

I’m coming up on ten years of owning this domain. It started as a photography blog/business, and I used to blog almost every day. Some days it was interesting, and sometimes I was so bored that I wrote a poem about my pumpkin scone. But I have kept this little space here on the inter-webs to come back to every now and again because I will forever have this dream of one day blogging more about my life. I don’t find myself particularly interesting. I’m not famous, and I may never go on to do anything noteworthy to be added to the history books, but I love my family, I love being a mom & I love sharing.

“Are people even reading blogs anymore? Is this still a thing? :Check: :Check: “Is this thing on?”

”

The question always comes up “Why do you post so much online?” And my answer is this. “Because I love to share.” I do. I always have. I love connecting with people and making people feel less alone, especially if it’s by sharing something funny, sad or embarrassing that I’m going through.

I tell myself every couple months “Well once my kids get a little older… once life settles down… once I get the house in order… once I get a better handle on creating content… etc” The truth is, I always have an excuse to not show up here in this space because I think I’m not put together enough for people to find me interesting or actually care. And, well, that may be true. Maybe no one reads this and maybe I spent 20-30 min downloading my thoughts and feelings just to send it out into the void for no one to care, but I’m realizing that I’m okay with that. I want to be able to look back on this time and have a record of how life unfolded.

Life is messy. Life isn’t perfect, and not every photo is going to be perfectly curated, and I’m okay with that. I just want to be able to show up. Put together or not. So, here you go, here are some photos of our life lately… Happy Tuesday!

The Comparison Monster

Well friends, I have been Bitten. Hard. By the mean and nasty comparison monster. I didn’t think I was feeling that insecure about our life, home, style, etc, but as I sit here and type this, with the sound of ocean waves crashing, sipping my cold coffee and my two little girls napping peacefully, I realize just how harshly I’m judging myself. I should be putting my clean clothes away, cleaning a bathroom that hasn’t been cleaned in over 2 months, filling out the paperwork I need for Jonathan’s doctor appointment this afternoon, or one of the other million things I told myself I should do in order to make my day seem accomplished.

Instead, I caught myself in an instagram scroll about 20 minutes ago, as I often find myself; scrolling and dreaming of the day when I will feel put together enough to share more of our story. Maybe when I have more time on my hands to sit down and write, or when we have more money and aren’t feeling completely overwhelmed by the debt that makes us live paycheck to paycheck. I’m waiting for the day that my photos look like “HERS” and when my walls are painted white, with farmhouse decor (even though that is NOT MY STYLE). I'm waiting for the day when our house is “in order” or “settled”, or when I feel like our life is interesting enough to share. I tell myself that even if I decided to START this little blog that I’ve been dreaming about starting for years now, no one is going to care. No one is going to read it because we aren’t as popular or as well known as other bloggers with bigger followings. So, Who is going to care?

So… instead of writing, I scroll. And the more I scroll, the more bitter I become, because I want to be doing this… I want to hustle. I want to write & share our life. I want to have a reason to work in my office again. I want to listen to uplifting podcasts about going out and chasing your dreams and not feel completely guilty that I’ve been given this amazing opportunity to be a stay at home mom. I want to be encouraging and to find connection with other women who find themselves in the trenches as I am. I want my husband to see that this outlet for my creativity isn’t just something to take me away from my most important work of taking care of our children. Ultimately, I want to be able to contribute financially and still stay home with my children! (And please don’t try to get me to join your MLM, because I’ve tried & learned I’m not good at that stuff.)

I have listened to Mary Marantz’s podcast on Comparison at least five times now, and I could list out a million things from that episode that hit home because it’s all Gold. (if you haven’t listened, go do it now!) But the five biggest take aways for me are this (most of this is taken right from the podcast):

1. Comparison is the thief of TIME. How many perfectly wonderful days have we lost because we felt small by comparison to what others are doing, wearing, experiencing?

2. We need to stop sentencing ourselves to a life where we don’t have permission to show up and celebrate our wins anymore (regardless of how small they may be).

3. Stop telling ourselves that “it’s not okay to be a WORK IN PROGRESS”.

4. We aren’t all running the same race. So throw the confetti & clap for your own dang self.

5. The ideal finish line of success is not a fixed marker. And you could spend your whole life putting off being happy, proud of & excited for the things we’re accomplishing simply because there is someone else further ahead, running a completely different race.

I miss spending time with these beautiful ladies.

:MIND BLOWN: Now can you see why I’ve listened to this episode so many times? Not to mention, listening to Mary Marantz talk about anything, makes me want to stop in my tracks and listen. She’s the real-deal friends, and if you’re not already subscribed to her podcast, you need to. Click HERE.

So I’m going to do it. I’m going to show up for my own life, throw the confetti and clap for my own dang self, because I need this. No more excuses for why I can’t start, because the journey is still the story. And if no one reads this, and it’s merely an outlet for me to feel a little less alone then so be it, I’ll know that I tried and gave my best effort. Because I don’t want to wake up one day, with my kids in high school and realize that I missed my chance to document their lives when they were young. I don’t want to look back and say “man it was hard, but its all a blur.” Because I never celebrated the small wins or the little victories.